A lot of frustration, in my personal experience, comes from events and individuals interfering with or not giving me what I need or want. I realize this may sound selfish, but as an individual with borderline personality disorder, selfishness is not a new concept to me.
It’s important to identify exactly what you WANT and what you NEED. Dig deep, be honest, and write it down. Differentiating between what you need and what you want will help you start establishing reasonable expectations in your life.
Journal Exercise: Write down what you want – from people, from life, right now, tonight, tomorrow, etc. Write about what you need – from people, from life, right now, tonight, tomorrow, etc. Wants and needs change. Do this exercise weekly. At the end of it, write about reasonable and unreasonable expectations. How will you combat the unreasonable expectations that arise within you – often spontaneously? Be HONEST. You have no reason to lie. It may take you a while to write about this one. Give yourself time. Relax and be honest.
Personal Account: My Wants and Needs
NEEDS
1. I need to have food and shelter.
2. I need money to pay my bills.
3. I need to feel safe.
4. I need to feel loved and accepted.
WANTS
1. I want a nice home and to eat out whenever I want.
2. I want to have spending money to buy extra stuff.
3. I want to feel in control.
4. I want to be told how loved and appreciated I am.
By matching up my wants to my needs, I can see what’s a reasonable expectation (getting what I need) and what’s an unrealistic expectation (getting what I want).
Challenge: Do NOT be demanding for the rest of the week. Be appreciative for the things in your life that are meeting your needs. Ask yourself what you can to kindly and appropriately get what you want. I repeat, do NOT demand. Maybe you can do an extra job to get extra spending money (instead of demanding it from your partner or charging it up on a credit card). Maybe you can tell yourself it’s okay to relax and give up control. Maybe you can show your partner how much you love and appreciate them. Don’t always ask yourself what people can do for YOU. Ask yourself what you can do for THEM, and do NOT do it to receive something in return. Do it just to do it – because you care about them. Avoid manipulation this week. Try it one day at a time!
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder 
Lori said
I’m looking for Borderlines to review a site I’m putting together before I make it readily available to the public. Let me know if you are interested.
Thanks